For those of you that know me, at all, you might know that I sometimes talk alot more than I should and, occasionally, say things that would be better kept in quiet company, if said at all. Accordingly, I just finished a lengthy e-mail to an old college professor of mine that I have since befriended. I'll spare you anymore of the details of what I said, or he said, or anyone said because I feel the text from the e-mail is sufficient to re-create my awkward remarks which, years later, I felt the need to explain more thoroughly.
PS: You'll know you've made a ridiculous comment when you find yourself in a situation that necessitates such visual aids as I've included and use of the phrase "assless chaps" with such frequency.
Here's the content of the e-mail:
It's funny you mentioned Kim "in black leathers riding on the back" because I remember, with some horror, the time the four of us were having dinner at your log cabin and I mistakingly mispoke with regard to "leathers." In case you've forgot, we were talking about our mutual dislike for pineapple on a pizza and I said something to the effect of "Pineapple on a pizza is as ridiculous as assless chaps on a motorcycle." Being that (your wife) and yourself are probably owners of "leathers," there was a particularly awkward silence following my remark, as I'm sure you can imagine. You kindly tried to assuage everyone's discomfort and move the conversation elsewhere, but I felt the need to explain myself (as I meant to explain the clear distinction between what I understood to be "assless chaps" and an entirely different piece of clothing known to afficianados as "motorcycle chaps" or "leathers"). I'm not sure I ever explained myself sufficiently and, so, would like to take one more shot at it, particularly as this has been one of the great regrets of my loose tongue.
As I was saying, motorcycle chaps and "leathers" are entirely perfunctory and a useful piece of clothing, particularly if one is to be riding for an extended period of time, hence their value to motorcyclers, cowboys, and ranchers. "Assless chaps," however, have an important difference that make them compellingly distasteful to the aforementioned populations. You see, assless chaps have a piece of material that extends from the middle of the waistband on the front of the garment to the middle of the waistband on the back of the garment. (This is very different than motorcycle chaps which have material run down the waistband along the hip.) On assless chaps, this "front to back" leather strap not only covers the genitals, but splits the buttocks, as well, creating the appearance of leather pants with patches cut out for the buttocks. It is also uncommon to where anything underneath these "assless chaps." Finally, this particular piece of clothing is not uncommon to some more eccentric members of homosexual population. Again, please consult the pictures I've attached, both of which are appropriate to use as visual aids. You'll see in the first one, with the manequin, the piece of material going across the back and, in the second photo, the wardrobe John Candy and Eugene Levy are sporting should help you imagine the view when the two of them, and particularly Eugene Levy, turn to walk away. If you need to see more, the movie "Armed and Dangerous" might also be of some use (it's where the second picture is taken from).
Anyways, I hope I've explained myself more fully this time and shown that assless chaps are of an entirely different subculture than the motorcylce subculture. For that reason, I opined the original assertion that "Pineapple on a pizza is as ridiculous as assless chaps on a motorcycle." If, however, you understood me all along and not only own a pair of assless chaps but wear them as I've described, then I really went out of my way to prove myself the fool. Hmmm.
Well, I hope I've done this justice, and apologize for the loquacious use of detail, but felt compelled to clear the air. As for Kim in leathers on the back of my Harley, I'm sure I would enjoy that, but don't know the first thing about motorcyles and think that buying such a beautiful bike as what you have (I saw it online at CraigsList) would be the equivalent of showing up for my driver's ed. test in an Indy Car...simply, a bit ambitious for me. In any event, enjoy selling it online and the upcoming trip to Nova Scotia.
I'll be in touch with you for advice if and when I get to the point I'm ready to go to the Whaling Museum's library, but appreciate your enthusiasm for my proposal. And you're right about the cultures course you mentioned; I expect I would have not only enjoyed the content of the course, but the comaradery, as well.
Best regards,
Pat
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Kim and I Having Fun
Please watch this, but know that it's best when you have the volume on your computer set so that you can hear the music.
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Monday, July 7, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Family Gatherings
Eric, Jenn, Kim and I got together to celebrate the Fourth at their new home. We had a great time in the pool, enjoyed a BBQ together, and finished the night with some quality time on the Wii. We stayed until nearly 10:30pm and, to no one's surprise, got stuck in lots of traffic on the way home as a lot of people had decided it'd be a good idea to do some "rubber necking" ON THE HIGHWAY in the hopes of glimpsing the last remaining fireworks of the night. Yeah, that's safe.
But while Kim and I made the "trek" back to our apartment, which is only about an hour away from Eric and Jenn's, Jeff and his dad were working on their cross-country driving expedition. Having spent some seven years out on the West Coast, Jeff finally decided to move back East and, when presented with an incredible work opportunity, decided to make that happen. As a result, he and his father drove 3,090 miles over the Fourth of July Weekend, finishing the trip just tonight. Jeff, it's great to have you back. Can't wait to see you soon.
Eric and Jenn, thanks for the great time on Friday. Everyone else, have a wonderful week and enjoy the pics (from Jeff's trip with his dad) and vids (from the pool and Wii at Eric and Jenn's).
Friday, July 4, 2008
Happy Fourth, Y'All!
What a day. What a day. Happy Fourth, everyone. Kim and I are doing a bunch of nothing today. She’s at work and I’m at home. We’re hoping to meet up with Eric and Jenn, once Kim gets out of work, but haven’t been able to get a hold of them yet. In the meantime, I’m enjoying the day by basking in the after-glow of the Red Sox win over the Yanks last night, today’s “Law & Order” marathon, and the “Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Championship.” Oh, and the Sox are back on with a 1:05pm game against the Yanks. Who needs fireworks, right?
As for the pics, I’ve included the back cover of the Daily News for today, replete with the headline “Red, White & Boo.” There are also some pics from the hot dog eating contest. This year’s was a real gem. At the end of the ten-minute regulation period, the top two contestants, Kobayashi and Chestnut, were tied at 59 hot dogs, apiece. According to the commentators, those two "attack those dogs the way Lindsay Lohan attacks a minibar." As a result of the tie, for the first time in the 92-year-history of the contest, they had to go to a “5 dog eat-off!” Chestnut victoriously defended his Yellow Mustard Belt. Imagine when that’s all digested; talk about fireworks?!?
Finally, there's a quick video of one of the most unbelieveable things I've ever seen. With the Red Sox down 3-1 in the top of the 3rd inning, Kevin Youkilis blasted one to left field. Johnny Damon chased it back to the wall and went up for it. The ball landed in his glove and carried into the top of the wall. At that point, the ball popped out of the glove and landed atop the wall. Eventually, the ball came back into play, the Sox scored two runs (to tie the game), and Damon left the game with an injury to his left arm. I've never seen anything like that. If it'd fallen over the other way, out of the park, it would have counted as a homerun. If a fan had picked it off the wall, who knows?
Anyways, enjoy the Fourth!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Paola's in the News
Everyone's asking how Ed's doing and it sounds like things are going well, but there's Paola (Ed's girlfriend), too. Ed's spending the summer out in Ohio, after deciding not to return to his job at Wolfeboro Camp School. Now he's working at a camp in Ohio during the day and a pizza place at night (the perfect job for Ed). He'll be out in Massachusetts sometime in August, but will be busy in Ohio until then.
As for Paola, I'm not completely sure what she's up to in Ohio during the summer, but I do know she went to a National Catholic Leadership Institute conference earlier in the summer and she's taking a summer class. Then, when I found these articles on the OWU website, as part of its homepage, I immediately thought to pass them along to everyone.
Everyone, this is Paola. Paola, this is Everyone.
Here are the links:
(for the Catholic Leadership Institute) http://news.owu.edu/2008/20080619-CMLI.html (and the "Pushing Boundaries" article) http://spotlights.owu.edu/20080318-perseverance.html
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